To: Harriet Tubman
From: Doctor JOHN K

Dear Mr. Harriet Tubmana, we the management of Umezoruike hospital do sympathized on the death of Miss Donna Brown.

Sir,l regret to announce the death of my patient late Mrs. Donna Brown, who was admitted in my hospital two months ago, but after she undergoes a major breast cancer operation which took place on TUESDAY last week and she died around 6:Am in the morning today. With my heart full of sorrow and wiping I wish to make it obvious to you that she is gone and no more existing on this earth as a human. Please we apologize for any inconveniences her death must have cost you, and we plead for you to understand that god brings and god takes so when god decide I doctor cannot do anything against gods wish.

Meanwhile, There is one important message late Mrs. Donna Brown, left with me to you before she passed away, and the message was that you should make sure you have her fund from the Colonial Finance Security Company London and use it according to her wishes, which is to establish an orphanage charity home for the lesser privileges in the world, so that her soul will rest in peace in the home of god in Heaven. In addition to that, she continued saying that you should trust and work together with her personal account officer Mr. Stephen James in Colonial Finance Company, that he is a good god fearing man that cannot do anything to cheat you or against the will of gods.

Thank you for your understanding and I wish you good luck in this transaction.

Yours Friend

Doctor JOHN K

Additional Thoughts:

I love this email. Not because Donna died. I feel awful about that. But they literally apologized for the inconvenience her death cause me. Am I supposed to respond with “No worries”, or something like that?

Even more funny - I am picturing Donna laying there, gasping for her last breaths, learning over to Doctor John K, and saying: “Doctor, please make sure Harriet Tubman blah blah Colonial Finance Company blah blah blah Stephen James blah blah blah…….”