To: Harriet Tubman
From: Mr. Stephen James
Date: 17th Of November 2017
Ref:CFSS/1354/2030-X14
Dear Valued Beneficiary : Harriet Tubmana
Sir, I received your comprehensive e-mail message to my office with thanks.
Secondly, I have also noted your option of choice on where you want this funds to be delivered, base on much TAXATION in your current location, but I want you to understand that the DONOR of this funds has paid for this funds TAX CLEARANCE CHARGES, DELIVERING CHARGES and DIPLOMAT CHARGES, as all these listed charges has been paid by the owner of this funds when she deposited it in my office, so I don't think you have anything to worry concerning issues of TAX in this very transaction. But, if you insist in receiving the funds in Japanese Yen, we have no other option than to do as your wishes desire because my duty is to follow instruction to insure that this funds get to your disposal as soon as possible.
Furthermore to that, note there is no way this honorable financial institute would commence on your funds delivering to your mailing house address without you providing the bellow information for proper confirmation of you, to avoid delivering the funds to the wrong person. Base on the above reason, I would like you to cooperate with us by providing the bellow information immediately, to enable us expedite action in having your funds delivered to you within 48 working hours.
your full name, and your country contact address where the consignment will be delivered.
Mobile phone number, where we will send the internet recording delivering updates, confirmation of the Airway bill will be copied to you for the monitoring of the delivering until you receive it.
Copy of your utility bill, International Passport or any Valid ID.
Age, Marriage Status,
5.Occupation.
Note, once we have the above details, our assigned diplomat will take up the delivery mission immediately to your designation country house address without any delay. Because the trunk box has Military Diplomatic Immunity Yellow tag which will allow the trunk boxes to be carried to anywhere in the World without any security check at the final delivery procedures to you, it must be delivered to you directly while you wait for the arrival of the diplomat. Attach is copy of my office working ID.
Thank you and I look forward to hear from you as soon as possible.
Yours in true service,
Mr. Stephen James
Admin Director
Logistics & Operations Department
Colonial Finance Company London UK
Additional Thoughts:
Oof. Another one of these massive messages, with awful formatting, and terrible sentence structure. My English teachers would be red-penning this literally everywhere. Much to my surprise, they approved my request for Japanese Yen. Much to my disappointment, they didn’t attach their “office working ID” this time.